söndag 11 november 2012

My November thoughts

It's been more than a month since the song book was released, and Irmelin has recorded songs for our new album. It's been phonecalls, emails, new applications, rehersals. I've almost forgot how it is to have free time. So I experience the classical signs of post production stress. I'm finding mysef in a time of emptiness. Too much happened in very short time. My life journey has taken me to some unknown roads. Some days it's a bit hard to navigate forward but it seems like this is what it is to be a person 2012 on earth, I see lot of this around me too.
In the middle of this emptiness I know something new is going to happen. A change of view. An adaption. I already see some of the patters of the old are fading away and leaving me with a new sense of light. Can it be that I became looked in my own old thoughts and ambitions?
Oh, this evening was a pearl, to sing with the children and go in there with the full aim of having a good time together. It's all about sing together and enjoy it. No need to prove anything. No need to worry. It's actually a great gift to see the faces of the children and see their families gathering. Beautiful it is. Simple as that, in a smaller church on the outskirts of Göteborg, on a November dark evening.
I just want to express that in the middle of my tiredness I feel a great thankfulness too. On the bus travelling home from this event I found a poem that spoke to me:
"Gift" by Czeslaw Milosz (1971)

En dag så full av lycka.
Arbetade i trädgården, dimman lyfte tidigt.
Kolibrierna stod stilla över kaprifolens blom.
Det fanns på jorden inte en sak jag ville äga.
Jag visste inte någon värd att avundas.
Vad ont som hänt hade jag glömt.
Skämdes inte för tanken att vara den jag alltid varit.
Kände i kroppen ingen smärta.
När jag rätade på ryggen såg jag blå hav och segel.

A day so happy.
Fog lifted early I worked in the garden.
Hummingbirds were stopping over honeysuckle flowers.
There was no thing on earth I wanted to possess.
I knew no man worth my envying him.
Whatever evil I had suffered, I forgot.
To think that once I was the same man didn’t embarrass me.           
In my body I felt no pain.
On straightening up, I saw the blue sea and sails.

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